A Home for the Restless

A Home for the Restless
David Fournier, Restoring Grace

Song-Still Breathing
“As I walked out on the ledge
Are you scared to death to live?
I've been running all my life
Just to find a home that's for the restless
And the truth that's in the message
Making my way, away, away”
Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

I have failed. Looking back over my life, I realized I bought into the idea of the world needing to be saved, hook, line and sinker. I truly believed that we could all live a life of endless happiness with a simple conversion to Christianity. I was convinced that people who suffered from issues, had problems in their lives, disease and depression, have these problems because they were somehow disconnected from Jesus. If they would repent-turn around and increase their faith (along with Bible reading, tithing and church attendance) all things would go well.

As I grew older, my life became more complicated. I got married, had children, worked for a living, went to church, became a pastor, you know, all the right things. I was sure that God was blessing me and I was on the right path. What I failed to realize is that life is messy, and I needed to be okay with messy. The messier it got, the more frustrated I became and I started making really poor decisions. My decisions had huge impact on my family, my friends and the people that believed I was lading them in the right direction.

I don’t mean this article to be a confession of all my life failures, I am pretty sure it would take volumes to describe and even more volumes to ask forgiveness. The point of this article is to address the fact that I realize that all life, everyone’s life, is a very difficult boat to row. As I have aged, I am learning a whole new set of tools that help me adjust and understand the challenges that lie ahead and be able to embrace the fact that life is messy, difficult and restless.

I am perplexed by the things I believed were the end of the world. The battles over religious issues, who keeps putting the milk back in the fridge empty, what is acceptable behavior by my children out in public, who actually let the dogs out, and many other challenges. Now I look back and realize I was trying to place my life in an acceptable order, looking good on the outside and hoping that it would make my life good on the inside.

The ultimate irony is I have become the person I used to preach against. Believing that people with problems are somehow “spiritual deficient” I distanced myself from them, often accusing them of their lack of religious authenticity. I am not just a hypocrite, I am a failed hypocrite. But in my failure, came a version of myself that while I am not that person I would suggest anyone follows (I often say I am a poor example of a Christian), I feel for the first time in my life, is genuine.

It became genuine when I realized that life is restless and I needed a home for the restless. We are not perfect, we won’t become perfect anytime soon, and my lack of perfection gives me more reason to be patient, loving and understanding with the people around me. Instead of pretending that all is well, my life is in order and hide my reality to project a successful spiritual image, I have embraced the fact that for me, I have been scared to death to live, to admit my failures and move on from them.

Picture Jesus, who lives a life from the documents we have about him, for the benefit of others, cared for people, healed people, fed people. In the end, he is nailed to a cross for his efforts, a sign that here is what happens to people who step out of the accepted norms. But even in the writings of Jesus, we sense that restlessness, the feeling that he too was somehow far from home. And he talks about all of us finding the end to our restlessness in a Kingdom where restlessness is embraced and welcomed.

I guess I make for a poor fundamentalist. I don’t pretend to have all the answers and I know that I will struggle with them for my entire life. What has changed for me is the understanding that not only is the struggle for real, it is okay. New Testament author Paul says we are to “struggle” with our salvation, to work it out with” fear and trembling”. Sure enough, one of the most prolific contributors to the New Testament tells us it will be messy.

Leave it to me to find inspiration in the lyrics of Green Day, but this is far from my first time with them. Somehow we have dressed up our faith so clean and tidy we have forgotten the daily battles and struggles that we all face. This is creating a squeaky clean version of the faith that has pushed away the people that feel like they will never measure up, never feel welcome among the ranks. We have been sucked into a societal influence that dictates how we will measure our success. How may times have heard someone say “this isn’t where I thought I would be at this point of my life”? Here is the good news, you are still alive and where there is life, there is hope. Even if it is messy.

For me, all the efforts I spent in “projecting an image of success and spirituality” was a waste of precious life and resources. I want to be at home with my restlessness, with my failures, with my life. I don’t have a hundred years left to figure it out. I want the “truth that is in the message”, so true and with so much clarity that no one needs to explain to me and justify it to me. Truth: like being kind, sharing, caring for those in need, exercising love and not judgement. You know, these kinds of truths.

We can all improve our lives by being who we are and as we are. Remove the vexation of the spiritual pressures of the outside world revel in the simple truth, Jesus loves you just as you are, right now and forever.

David Fournier in the Senior Instructor at Restoring Grace. David teaches classes on Hebraic Perspectives, Early Christian Communities and New Testament Formations and Canon. David is available for your church, youth group, seminars and retreats. Email David at: dfour26@gmail.com